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Jokes
Ok it is fair to say that the content of this site has been pretty heavy so we feel some good old fashion, home brewed, extra mature Jokes are in order.
We will try to keep them relatively tasteful, however it is all meant in good fun, no offence, we are all the same under the skin, If any jokes genuinely offend you
let us know, if they just offend your sense of humour then you are welcome to send us better ones, ones of your own please, don't cop-out.
Ok lets start with a bit of brekkie:
"Two eggs in a pan one asks the other 'why are you dancing' the other responds Click here for response
'I got that Fryday feeling!'".Answer
Because the other fruit went bananas!". 
Ho!, Ho!, Ho, what just me? ooooooooooo tough crowd, Ok here goes.
"Why do kids eat dried food covered with milk one spoon after the next? Answer
it's serial!".Answer
because they don't wake up till after lunch!".
"If the break fast is big do I get extended time?".
"Why are skaters lucky? Answer
they can have a brake fast without even trying".
"Why does Breakfast have to be like a pit stop, the race is just starting".
"What's Breakfast and the trade-it got in common? Answer
A fair few old bangers!".
"In my experience the best way to eat breakfast, is to wake up first".
"Why is eating breakfast psychologically important? Answer
It stops us from wanting to be eggy anymore ".
"Why are eggs like jet fighters? Answer
They can both be scrambled".
"Why separate eggs? Answer
Cuz one's yella and the other's about to get whipped".
"Why don't Jews enjoy an English breakfast?????..... ......because it's full of porkies".
"Why do the English call each other old bean??????..... ......You are what you eat!".
"Some people have a fast brake, I spend time to break the fast".
"Why did the breakfast look small??Answer
Because there was just too mush-room".
Taste that? yep that's Cheddar, (who said shizer? watch your lingo!) we did say the jokes were mature! They've turned a lil GREEN, as in GREEN GIANT... eh? (corny)....eh?. Ahhh never mind, NEXT!
Politics
"Will it ever be that judges are just proud to be bald?...."Continue
"or at least buy normal wigs? ... What costume shop are they getting this stuff from? I think it's time they changed, nothing too modern, they must maintain antiquity, I reckon afros should do the trick."
It's either that :( or this --> what do you reckon
Surely the balder the barrister the harder he works, don't hide that behind a wig, throw it to the ground or into the dirt so we know how much we got to give"It's either that :( or this --> what do you reckon
"I thought my Lawyer was really 'with it', until he turned up to court in his graduation gown".
"Lets be real, politicians are old and drunk, Continue
that smell in the house of commons is just a cover, they really are taking the p**s". 
"Politicians would love Tekken, they could always be Law! And whilst they play games, we could write on our paper, and do them for all their killing" (ooops sorry that one might be a bit dark, you'd have to picture the old bill at their door, now that's comedy)
"Politicians can solve any problem, Continue..
once they agree on how to cause it!".
"There is a name for an honest politician amongst his party, it's something like Fred, oh no wait, it's Fired".
"Some people want a sly politician, well they must be happy as sin". (For lack of a better phrase)
"Politicians need to wear £5000 suites to set an example, Continue...
They should try being honest, it might look good on them 
"No wonder this country's getting worse, we made a big mistake! Politicians don't represent people, they just think POLO is great".
"Don't worry, Dan the man will disintegrate Parliament, he's a self confessed black belt in martial FARTS, he has a stinking Right hook, sorted".
"I found out why Cameron's head's so big".
(Get it? he's an inflatable? he, he, ....well, look, I aint making you read this stuff)
"It's nice to know Tony and his wife represent the swinging community".
Ok I admit the last two were a little low, but it's the Blairs who took "It don't mean a thing if it aint got that swing" a little too far.
"Gordan Brown looks quite wrinkly, I'm sure it's just the bad press!"
he he, ok i'm slowing down on these now, your right, it is getting low.
"Nothing against women in politics but shouldn't the home Secretary, well, be at home?".
"England's a democracy"
Ok I think that's enough of them, we don't want to get to personal, although I do wonder when the Mili-bands are next gigging. He he.
Ok one more, possibly the funniest thing I ever heard.
"England won the war," lol rotflmao ha ha "England won the war, no really they did, the fact that Brussles is home (concerning factor) to the UN, BMW own Mini, Aston Martin is arguably German along with Rolls Royce so have been Land Rover, Jaguar and Rover, the fact that Germany has established the most manufacturing in Europe and the strongest economy since the war, whilst having the only unregulated banks in the world (except two or three really small and poor countries),
and the fact that the English royal family are now German and the infrastructure of England has been completely gutted for the last 60 odd years, is all just one big coincidence, honest it is, Seriously now ENGLAND WON THE WAR!!!". 
If BMW are so good, why can't they translate the word MINI!!!!????
Mini to Monster Bad translation
Enough of That!
Time For Nature
"What do you get when you feed a cow flies? Answer
Butter Flies 
"Next time you're driving through the country and something looks out of place, don't be shy to say... Continue
Hey!! 
"Why can't cats run? Answer
Because they are always on pause! 
"Why do dogs bark? Answer
To warn that they are rough! 
"Why is it hard to milk a cow? Answer
Because they are always on the Moooooove! 
"What do you call the back end of a cow? Answer
Pat 
"Why doesn't the lily need any heating? Answer
It's already got sun! 
"Why was the tree all alone? Answer
The rest had to leaf! 
"What's the difference between Mankind and Nature Answer
Nature has a better Bush! 
"How do herbs dance? Answer
They Chive! 
"Why would a tree do anything? Answer
Because it Wood! 
"Why can't you trust a house plant? Answer
Because they're all potty! 
"Whats the difference between Monkeys and Humans? Answer
Humans think they were monkeys, Monkeys are Monkeys!
Ok we can't spend all day with this so moving swiftly onto our finals,
Sport
"What has retirement and basketball got in common? Answer
Traveling
"Why will this scooter joke go over your head? Answer
Because it was sent too Bri
"Why didn't the skateboard tail slide the rail? Answer
Because it nose him
"What's the most productive grind? Answer
A Smith
"How do you know extremers are not really trying? Answer
They go' Feeble
"In what grind should skaters put least trust? Answer
The Crooked/Crook grind
"How can Spain win the World Cup? Answer
Stop running from the ball!
"What's the best number in sport? Answer
Ten-is!
"What's the only sport enjoyed by insects? Answer
Cricket!
"Why are the older generation not afraid of sport? Answer
They got Bowls!
"What's the Olympics and my Nans garden got in common? Answer
Runners!
"What the Americans call soccer we call Football and what the Americans call Football we call.... Continue
Hand Ball! (You get a Free Kick for that)
"Last but not least, the only keeper who really understood the term... Continue
FOOTBALL!
Colombian: José René Higuita Zapata 
I agree m8, it's FOOTBALL :)
We could go on all day but that's your lot, hope you enjoyed and remember, when life's less than a perfect picture try saying..................................................................................................... Colombian: José René Higuita Zapata I agree m8, it's FOOTBALL :)
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